Founder of Silver Linings Transitions/ Certified Senior Advisor/ Podcast Host/ Speaker/ Coach
Downsizing during divorce is one of life’s most challenging transitions. Beyond the emotional pain, there are often big logistical changes—like moving out of a shared home and adjusting to a smaller space.
For most people, it’s unlikely that you’ll move into a larger or nicer home immediately after a divorce. In places like San Diego, where housing costs are high, downsizing during divorce is often a necessary step.
When I went through my own divorce, I had the advantage of years of experience helping clients—mainly seniors—sort, downsize during major life changes, and move. But no amount of professional training could fully prepare me for the emotional rollercoaster of letting go of my own belongings.
I sorted through my childhood treasures, like my Girl Scout sash and prom corsage, items I’d lovingly carried through the years. Each item held memories, but I also realized I couldn’t take everything with me into this next chapter.
That’s when it hit me: downsizing isn’t just about moving—it’s about moving on.
It’s about deciding what’s truly important and letting go of what’s tied to a life you expected to have but no longer do.
Both require saying goodbye to a version of your life and your home. Both involve sorting through years, sometimes decades, of memories and belongings.
One process that inspired me—and may help you—is Swedish Death Cleaning. It’s not as grim as it sounds. It’s a method where you intentionally declutter to make life easier for yourself and your loved ones, now and in the future. It’s about proactively taking control of your belongings instead of leaving them for others to sort through later.
Go through your belongings and do a photographic inventory of anything you want to go to loved ones. As someone who had a personal experience after my grandmother’s sudden death, leaving clear direction will save your grieving loved ones from many unnecessary battles. Make sure you make notes about any items of value so they can be sold for their value and won’t be accidentally discarded. There are software programs likes Fairsplit.com you can use to create these inventories and assign belongings.
Make sure and visit storage units and attics and include these items in the inventory.
Begin to “re-gift” belongings. If you are going to someone’s home and would normally take a hostess gift, thoughtfully consider bringing a token of your affection from your personal belongings rather than spending money.
Will anyone be happier because I saved it? Rather than put items in the garbage, send old letters or photos to childhood friends who will undoubtedly appreciate the trip down memory lane. I recently attended my 30th high school reunion and there was a table set up for people to share items. I also photographed old letters and sent them via email.
Would I be okay if someone found or read this? If there is something you aren’t ready to get rid of but don’t necessarily want someone going through it, create a box marked “Private: Please discard without opening the contents.”
If you are holding onto something because you think it’s valuable, do some research. I held onto a Guess jean jacket I’d purchased in 1985 for $85. I almost refused to allow my daughter to take it to sleep away camp until I looked it up on Ebay and discovered it was only worth $35.
Do a quick online check or get a second opinion before clinging to things based on assumed value.
Sorting through your belongings can be emotionally heavy—but it doesn’t have to be a lonely process.
Invite friends, family, or even your children to go through things with you. It can become a storytelling session, a chance to laugh, cry, and remember together. These shared moments can bring comfort during a difficult time.
When I speak to groups of people who are now grandparents, I encourage them to consider the the belongings they’ve been storing for adult children and determine whether or not the adult child has any intention of taking it. I went through my childhood bedroom in Florida a year ago and traveled home with many of the things I’d held onto. After shipping them across country, my girls didn’t want any of it.
The lesson? Check first before investing the time, energy, and shipping costs.
If you have high school students, have them do their own version of Swedish Death Cleaning. It helps them prioritize, frees up space and is a wonderful opportunity to reminisce about their childhood.
Some belongings hold onto negative energy or painful memories. If something stirs up sadness, anger, or regret—consider giving it away, donating it, or packing it out of sight.
Your home should feel like a peaceful, healing space, especially after divorce.
It’s tempting to think of dividing belongings as a chance to “get even” in a painful situation. But in most cases, holding on out of spite only drags out the pain.
Ask yourself: Does this item truly matter to me? Will keeping this improve my life? If not, let it go. Choosing peace over possessions will serve you in the long run.
When you sort and let go on your own terms, you’re reclaiming control during a time when so much feels uncertain.
Downsizing during divorce isn’t just about decluttering—it’s about deciding what’s essential for your next chapter.
If you’d like to learn more, I recommend The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson. It’s a comforting, practical guide for anyone navigating life transitions.
